Umm I'm too high to move.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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