You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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