oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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