he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
