just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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