No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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