Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
