I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
