I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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