gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
