maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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