So drunk, too bad you don't want this
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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