8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
