I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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