so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
