i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
