I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
