Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
