I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
