im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
