I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
