dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
