And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
