i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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