Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize