Umm I'm too high to move.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize