Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
