PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
