Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
