so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
