smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
