It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
