Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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