Your dad touched me again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
