Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
