we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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