He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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