Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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