so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
