I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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