Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
