So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
