Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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