i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
