Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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