Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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