she woke up with a sticky ear
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
