You can't motorboat a personality
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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