There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
