He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
