i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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