I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
