i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
