I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
