Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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