i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
