Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
