True but thats because hes a fetus.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
