I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
