a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
