If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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