So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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