i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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