I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind