Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
