in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.