i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need water and some morals