I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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