I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
