She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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