He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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