just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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