shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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